Saturday, 29 April 2017

The Tale of Trimester Three


So in a couple of hours or whenever you read this I have just entered my 35th week of pregnancy. Oh boy it's getting close now!!

The third trimester has been my worst so far I think. I don't want to complain or moan because I know how truly blessed I am to be in this position however it's been tough! 

I had always heard that when you get near the end you are just willing it along, and I always thought 'why?' Well for me I can't handle the stress I'm feeling and the horrendous mood I seem to always be in. I literally can not control it! I'm not a stressed person, I'm not an angry person (apart from when I'm tired) so these feelings are just very hard for me to deal with. I know I'm being a bitch but I can't stop it. I want to be my old chilled out self again!!! 

I think what it is, is, I'm nesting, I want a list as long as my arm done and I want it done now! We've had our bathroom redecorated and that was the worst experience for my stress level in my entire life! And now we are recarpetting, however that doesn't seem to be getting me too stressed. I feel like I've retreated away from baby things and put my attention on house stuff. It's weird! Baby girls nursery is not ready yet, it's beautifully painted and her chest of drawers are ready for stuff but that's all right now. I guess that's not a huge rush as she won't be sleeping in there till winter time anyway. But it would be lovely to have it complete before she makes her grand entrance.

I'm finding people's advice very hard to take and process. I hear their words and just think 'oh god, not another thing please' that's bad isn't it? I should love that people want to help but I just feel like everyone's opinion is different, everyone's baby is different. I want to learn how my baby is going to be, and ask for help when I can't take the crying anymore. People's worries about our cats, and what milk she will have and where she will lie during the day etc etc is just overwhelming. I feel like I've got to a level of stress and anxiety where I no longer care what I need or what we have. I just want my baby here to love and to make me smile. 

Maybe that's what is wrong, I'm so anxious about it all. Labour, being a mum, money, juggling everything. Will I be any good? Will I know what to do? Will I struggle with depression? Will I feel lonely? These are the things that go through my brain 24/7. I keep trying to tell myself that cave women did it with no help, no advice. So hopefully that maternal instinct will just kick in. Oh gosh I hope so!!

I'm working quite close to my due date as well, I'm due on the 4th June and I finish work on the 19th May, I have made my days half days now though as I'm getting uncomfortable. These baby bumps are heavy haha! Nah baby girl sits quite high so my ribs get a good kicking while I'm sat at my desk, making it quite uncomfortable and very distracting for me. Especially when I get a kick in the rib and a thump down below. But I wouldn't want her to stop moving, I like to feel her wriggle around in there, I love to see my belly move with her, although it creeps Rob out something chronic! It's so funny!! 

So I guess this third trimester has been very difficult on me mentally, and as the days go by it's becoming physically difficult. To be honest, I'm just tired, scared and overwhelmed but I can't wait to meet my baby girl. 

The next update could be when she's here eeee, you'll find out her name and maybe see a glimpse of her, who knows. 

Much love
Beth xx

Sunday, 26 February 2017

The Moans and Groans of Week 26


Week 26 and the third trimester is slowly creeping up!! Meaning baby girl isn't far away from making her dramatic entrance!! 

There's just a few things I want to talk about. Pregnancy is a very exciting time but there are annoyances...

I LOVE when she kicks, absolutely love it, however, there are times of the day and places in my body where her kicks aren't as appreciated. These being while I'm trying to get to sleep and her kicks that feel so low down I could almost shake her hands and feet! Oo they are uncomfortable kicks I tell ya! And when these types of kicks happen at the time I'm trying to drift off, well, it's just ANNOYING haha. 
I love when she kicks me during the day, it's like a little hello every now and again, they kinda make me realise that I have this beautiful human growing inside of me yet it feels so bizarre. Something I wouldn't know how to explain. Occasionally when she's kicking my belly looks like it's doing a little jig to itself again, so so bizarre! But AMAZING. 

Another thing I've not been enjoying is being incredibly uncomfortable in bed. I'm unable to lie on my back because of the funny feeling the pressure of my belly gives me, when I lie on my left side rob tells me I make this astonishing sound of gasping for air whilst snoring my head off and when I'm on my left side I always seem to wake up to turn over because it's so uncomfortable. So I can only lie on my right side but after a while that gets uncomfortable because of all the weight. So my nights consist of a lot of turning over and waking up to move my heavy heavy body. 
Oh and there's the restless legs too so my legs have to be over a massive pillow. The sad thing is I know that the bigger I get the worse the nights are going to be. I believe that my body is just getting prepared for the many sleepless nights that are ahead of me! 

The last two things I'm going to moan about, yes, I'm very aware I'm moaning! These are cramp! And painful hips. I don't know why but leg and foot cramps have really been kicking in recently and there's nothing to stop them once they start. I've always been told that cramp is caused by a lack of salt in your system so you'd think cramp wouldn't happen after eating fish and chips that have salt and vinegar on but no no, nothing prevents it! 
My last annoyance is my achy hip when I walk, I visited the Drs and called the midwives and sadly they all believe I've developed the pelvic pain a lot of preggo ladies get. I'm currently waiting for a referral for physio but I kinda feel like a fraud because it's only when I walk for over 10 minutes it seems to kick in. But I'm aware it can get worse the bigger I get. 

Other than these annoying niggles I'm getting and having I am very much enjoying being pregnant and I'm so grateful and fortunate that I'm able to grow this incredible being. I do apologise for the moans and groans! (This stuff you just don't hear about before haha) 

Bring on the next 14 weeks!!

Much love
Beth xx

Thursday, 16 February 2017

Tales Of Trimester Two


So I'm currently 24 weeks and 4 days! Time is flying by. I feel like I've only been pregnant for 2 minutes and now we're not too far from the end result...our baby! 

How is the second trimester going you ask? So far so good, there are changes that I'm noticing more and more but no matter how uncomfortable some may be I'm feeling really good. In my last post I wrote about how I was poorly, well touch wood I'm finally better, the double ear infection turned into tonsillitis, an illness I've not had since I was a kid! Another dose of 250mg antibiotics and I was soon back to myself only for a day to go by and my throat felt like razor blades again so another trip to the Drs. He refused me anymore antibiotics which I was so happy about to be honest and slowly each day it hurt less and less woohoo!! So I guess that's a change, a low immune system, as long as baby is okay I don't care, baby is life, colds and bugs and stuff are temporary. 

What else has happened hmmm...oh yeah, do you want to know what we are having??? A GIRL :D yes we have a name and yes I have been telling people so don't be surprised if there's a post once she's here explaining how her name is not what we decided at all, i hope that's not the case because we love her name! However I've decided that I'm going to stop telling people just in case. 

At our 20 week scan she just wasn't cooperating, she's shy or just a monkey! The ultrasound lady managed to get most measurements but couldn't check her heart and couldn't say for sure if she was in fact a she, so we had to go back the following week because they NEED to check that little heart. Again she was curled into a ball and wasn't playing ball but the ultrasound lady managed to get what she needed and kindly showed us the 4 white lines that indicate a girl so we were very happy. And to be honest having an extra scan is lovely. 

She is now kicking a lot, its the most amazing but bizarre feeling ever, she's currently kicking me whilst I'm writing this. Tonight I actually saw my belly move with her kicks, I loved it. Rob felt her kick for the first time last week which he thought was super weird and he burst into what can only be described as a confused freaked out laugh. Bless him. He's not felt her kick since. 

Other stuff, well I pee loads, seriously! I pee we go somewhere and I have to pee again. It's weird! The urge comes on fast and you have to go, this is too much information but there's been times where I've thought I'm going to piss myself!! How embarrassing, luckily I haven't...yet haha. Sleeping has changed, I can't sleep on my back so I sleep on my sides. I get uncomfortable quickly though so some nights feel like I'm constantly turning over. Oh and I've started to snore, like a fog horn!!! Poor Rob. 

A down side for me being pregnant is the judgement about my size, my bmi. Everything is my bmi's fault, so my fatso's fault! A note from a scan was 'reduced detail due to bmi', having to have a glucose intolerance test because of my bmi, I had that today it wasn't as bad as I thought but still. Extra scans further down the line which is a positive!!! I get to see her more which is lovely. Having to be on aspirin because of my bmi, having a judgemental midwife who looks at my arm before a blood pressure test like it's a tree trunk and asks 'hmm do we usually use the bigger cuff on you' no, no you bloody don't! Possibly not having the option of a water birth because of my bmi. I'm not stupid or naive enough to think these things are in place for no reason at all, of course they are and of course I'll do whatever to make sure our baby is safe and growing well and that my health doesn't become affected. What I don't like is the feeling of shame I get because I'm a bigger girl, feeling as though I'm terrible because I have a bigger belly than others. It's like I won't be a good mum because I jiggle like jelly. That's what I don't like about my pregnancy. That's my moan! So don't judge haha.

So to end, I'm enjoying my growing bump and feeling our baby girl kick around in there. I can't believe how quickly it's flying by and we aren't far away from the third trimester. It's not long until I finish work and it's really not long until I get to meet her. I'm extremely excited but also so scared. I love her already :) 

Much love
Beth xxx 

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

Tales of the first trimester!

I 120.

It's 2017, I'm currently lied on the sofa watching Tipping Point whilst fighting an awful cold and a double ear infection. They say, start as you mean to go on but I do not want 12 months of illnesses thank you very much!!! 

I haven't written in a long time so you have no idea what is going on in my life, well....IM PREGNANT, currently mid way through my 18th week. My belly is growing, I'm feeling flickers and I'm truly happy. 

The first trimester was not fun!! I didn't suffer with morning sickness but I did suffer from a complete lack of appetite, so much so I almost lost a stone in weight. Weight that I haven't yet gained back. I'm quite enjoying seeing and being able to feel my cheek bones for the first time ever if I'm totally honest with you but I'm aware it will be short lived as the pounds will soon be piling on. 

So you might read that and think 'you said it wasn't fun? What happened?' Well I'll tell ya! WARNING ICKY LADY TALK NOW, blood! Lots and lots of blood! Bleeding in pregnancy is always worrying so having 12 weeks of constant bleeding and at times quite heavy bleeds you can imagine how frightened we were getting, especially when we had experienced a miscarriage only a few months before. I had about 4 scans before our official 12 week scan all showing a very happy little bean looking baby in there. I also had a very up close and personal appointment with a dr, that was NOT fun! But even with all those visits they never got to the bottom of the issue, I had just decided my body liked to scare the shit out of us! Touch wood all that has stopped now, woohoo!! 

So you can just imagine how happy we were when our 12 week scan rolled around and displayed this very active baby in my belly, so active in fact the ultrasound lady kept pushing on my belly like it was a trampoline so she could get some measurements done. I'm not going to lie to you and I'm not sure if any first time mums to be felt or feel this way but all the pregnancy people you see talk as though you understand the terminology. Maybe I should read some books but at one midwife appointment the receptionist asked if I had registered? Registered for what? I still don't know to this day what the heck that woman was on about. At our 12 week scan the ultrasound lady, who spoke very fast told me to go to another area for bloods as if I knew where she was on about, err lady it's a hospital I haven't got a clue! And I always feel stupid because I have to annoyingly ask what they are on about and I just know my face has that gormless glaze over it. I need to work on that. 

Anyway, right now we are in the waiting period between scans, about 3 weeks until our gender scan (I feel like baby is a girl) these are weeks I'm wishing away because I just want to see our baby again. We also are battling when to start buying stuff, we went into Mothercare and Mamas and Papas the other god, I've never felt so overwhelmed in my life! I had to leave, I couldn't bare it, all these couples walking around like experts whilst there was us shocked at the prices, with our gormless terrified faces on and not knowing what the hell was essential stuff and what was just extras. And do not get me started on prams!! Bloody hell why are they all different shaped? Why are the prams of the couples walking around nothing like the ones on sale? How do you know what is right? Good god!!!! See I'm getting in a tizz just rethinking about it! I think we will have to go back with a parent for support! 

So now that I've got my blood pressure raised with the memories of that trip the other day I'm going to wrap this post up. 

That's what's new with me, I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year. I'm going to continue my evening of lying down feeling ill, thumbs up to that!

Much love
Beth xx 

Tuesday, 20 September 2016

I'm A Loner, But It's Okay


From time to time I go quiet. I'm not purposely being rude or ignoring people I just go quiet. It's like I don't have the thoughts for a fluid conversation. I seem to become comfortable with no thoughts at all. 

I would say I have always been a loner, this used to bother me but now I kinda enjoy it. I enjoy my own space, being silent for a while. It doesn't mean anything is wrong it just means I'm, well I don't know what it means really. 

I guess I often fight a thought in my head that tells me relationships are difficult to maintain, too much work, when really they aren't at all. I'm very capable of keeping relationships going, that shows with Rob, family and a small handful of friends. I wonder if I think this because the longer someone sticks around for the less I can pretend I'm an outgoing funny person. Like I said I'm really quite quiet and I have a lot of deep thoughts. 

I sometimes think that part of the reason is I'm the only person who fully gets me, understands my faults and I don't judge myself because of them. I guess sometimes we as individuals believe are are the only person we can rely on. That's true to an extent but we all have moments where we feel we've let ourselves down. 

I will say that just because I enjoy my own company, because I am said loner that doesn't mean I don't get lonely from time to time. Of course I do. Sometimes I welcome the few hours alone when Rob goes and plays darts, other times I practically beg him to stay because I just want him there, even if we don't speak, he's around and that's comforting. 

Why am I writing this? I have no idea. (I think I'm having a secret bout of wanting to be quiet) 

Much love
Beth x 

Contact - 

Monday, 5 September 2016

My New Venture


Change is a wonderful thing, change is a time for learning and growth. Change is positive, time to move on, time for a new adventure...change terrifies me!!! 

This week I leave the job I have done for the last 4 and a half years. I leave the comfort of knowing what I do and that I do it well. I will put my uniform on for the last time before moving onto something new. A place with no uniform, a place where I'll know nothing, I'll know nobody. I'm starting a whole new chapter for my book which is my life. Am I ready? Not really, am I scared? You bet I am! Am I excited? ABSOLUTELY! The learning doesn't scare me, getting things a bit wrong doesn't scare me because that's to be expected. No way am I going into this knowing what I'll be doing. But I know that in time once a routine is together I'll be fine. 

You all know I'm about routine, I'm a creature of habit so what scares me is that for a while I'll not really have anything together. I'm going to be floating around a bit lost for a while. Until I'm nicely settled. 

I'm sad to be leaving friends who have supported me the last 4 years, they helped me through my saddest moments. I'm sad not to see the friendly customers who I've grown a connection with. Don't get me wrong I'm happy to be leaving the mean ones behind! But as this chapter ends I feel as though I'm disappearing from the world that I've known. The new world I'm entering will be new friends, new connections. New people are going to learn my quirks, my flaws. But those who will be my friends will accept me like my current ones have. 

It's going to be strange, it's going to be sad but deep down I feel like this will be the best opportunity I'm going to take, and I can't wait.


Much love,
Beth xx

Email - 

Thursday, 1 September 2016

Hello September


September to me is a transition month. We go from our long bright nights and the feeling of summer freedom to nights slowly getting more dark and a chill appears. It's not a gloomy month but it doesn't have the same pep in its step like July and August. 

It's a time of new beginnings, the trees slowly losing their leaves, the bare branches bedding in for the cold winter ahead. September is preparing for the long British chill that we seem to have for a much longer period than the warmth. 

I look forward for the arrival of Autumn that September slowly brings, it's my favourite season. There's so much beauty in it. I love the orange overtone that the fallen leaves bring. I love the misty mornings and in all honesty I enjoy the rain. It fascinates me. We don't question the giant in the skies tears when September comes along. We allow him to be a bit sad. 

Now September is here we are entering the tail end of the year, we are starting to think about Christmas and how the next year is only around the corner. 

September is the realisation of time, time that has passed and how quickly it's gone by. The realisation that life really does get away from us. It's a time where some of us wish it to slow down and some of us wish it to hurry up. 

So hello September I look forward to seeing what you bring.

Much love
Beth xx