Bethlett .

92. Another year is almost over and we're about to start all over again. Are you excited? Are you ready for it? Or is there still apart of you wanting to hold onto the year that's just passed us by?  Looking back what did you set out and achieve? Did all your plans go as planned and work out? Did any milestones happen? There's a lot to think back on isn't there?  What plans do you have for the year that's about to start? Or do you just want to go with the flow this time around? Whatever it is you have planned, enjoy it. Grasp it close in your heart and run with it. Because the year that's about to start can't be redone until the next. Don't go into a fresh year with regrets, don't go into it with fear. Walk through the gates of 2016 with excitement and determination. This new year is going to be YOUR year.  Be strong, be proud, be confident. Believe that the person you are is worthy, you deserve happiness, you deserve all the good thi

91. In our life's we have invincible people. People who have always, in some sort of way, been there. And there is no way that they will never not be there, somewhere.  They are invincible.  They have a bubble of protection around them at all times and nothing will pop it. I don't believe I'm silly in thinking that. We get so used to each other how could anything change? Especially when that's how it's always been.  But then life happens, for some reason it doesn't like to be consistent, it doesn't like to be content. It thrives off the waves it causes to people, I guess to keep us on our toes. Make us appreciate what we have. But it seems that in a lot of cases to make us appreciate what we have, something bad has to happen. Something that smacks us so hard in the face we remain dizzy for a little while.  Why? Why must it do that? Why must it make our invincible people no longer invincible?  I guess people seem invincible because we h

90 . Christmas is a matter of days now. The most magical time of the year. True but this year it's going to be painful for me. And so many others.  Since February this year it's been a year of firsts, each one effecting me differently emotional. In a matter of days it will be the first Christmas. He won't be ringing me up early in the morning to say Merry Christmas, I won't be seeing him on Boxing Day like I always used too. I will only have my memories of him, happy ones and of course bitterly sad ones. It's the first one, it's going to be difficult but each year will get easier. The happy memories will over power the sad by miles, I hope.  I've been feeling very emotional this week, a mixture of things but the biggest is the realisation of him not being here. I thought I was alright but I'm not. I miss him, simple as that I guess. It sounds stupid but it hit me this week that if I'm to live a full life I will live more of it without hi

89. I just want a best friend. Through my life I've had best friends but none of them have lasted. I admit I'm not good at keeping in contact, I'm not good feeling 100% comfortable around others but I'd love to have a best friend.  The idea of having someone there whenever I'm down, and I be there for them. Someone I don't have to sensor my opinions too, I can show my best side and worst side with no judgement.  I just want a best friend. I sometimes think that if I were to ever lose Rob, touch wood I don't! I'd be really lonely. I don't think I'd have anyone but my mum. I want to have a best friend who becomes apart of the family. No awkwardness.  I've ruined all my previous friendships because I push people away. Then I feel guilty and find it hard to be myself with them again. I miss friendship. I miss laughter till I cry, I miss gossiping about nonsense. I just miss having that feeling of having someone else in my lif

88 . I wake up everyday and I fight an irrational fear that lives at the back of my mind. Some days the fight is a tough one, it turns me into a mess. Other days I seem to be calm enough to not let it bother me. But it's always there. I have an irrational phobia to something people wouldn't even think about, but it's more common than you'd think. It makes me cry, it makes me itch, it makes me want to run away. And sometimes, only sometimes it makes me not want to fight it anymore, it makes me think it's about to win.  It's hard to explain what it does to me, how it makes me feel. The only way I can explain it is imagine you are trapped in a room that has no doors, no escape and you are with your greatest fear, whether that be a spider or a clown. Just imagine that. How scary would that be? Now imagine that feeling you would feel, imagine feeling that feeling multiple times a day, every single day of your life. I know it sounds dramatic but that'

87 . You seem like a distant memory now but you only you left yesterday. November you're one of my favourites. Your like holding on to something. There doesn't seem to be pressure with you November.  December seems so final, I don't know if I'm ready for it.  As the days of December descend the mornings become even colder. Maybe snow will fall. Memories of our lost loved ones get stronger and stronger as the day of Christmas edges ever closer, reminding us that our hearts aren't fully pieced together and those parts that are still glued become full of happiness as we see the faces of those still here beam with excitement and joy.  December you're a funny one, so many people can't wait for you to be over but some never want you to leave. You round off the year in an almighty fashion. With a day filled of love and togetherness but not too far away, just around the corner we start a year all over again. With more mystery and anticipat

86. " Sometimes quiet is violent"  Car Radio, Twenty One Pilots Our minds are so powerful they have no limits. There's no end to what you can imagine. There's no barrier, which is amazing but also scary.  Sometimes silence can be deafening. The sound of our own thoughts going around and around can be the loudest place on earth. When sometimes all we want is for it to be quiet. I find that when I'm by myself with no music to distract me, no television I get lost in my mind, I think of things I thought I forgot. I remember moments of my life I wish never happened.  Sometimes it's painful. Thoughts can make us sad, they can reveal the darkest parts of our mind and bring them to the forefront to sit there and niggle away. We don't benefit from them, they're just there. And some people don't know what to do with them. They have no way to channel them.  Sometimes, Silence can be torturous.  A silent person doe

85. Are we truly seeing what is in front of us? Are we seeing the beauty in it?  I pass these fields each week during my forty minute bus journey from one place to another. They catch my eye each time. My music playing so loudly in my ears it seems to take over, causing my thoughts to go into overdrive about the depths of what life is, what my life is etc. I look at the fields that go on for miles and miles, and in the distance there is a whole city. Where thousands of people are. It's not until I look out at the fields I realise that we are the ants of this earth. Tiny beings surrounded by the chaos.  The fields are calming. To some they are only fields, those people are right, they are only fields. But if you really look, just stop one day and look out they show more than you would ever imagine. If you allow them too.  They show me that things aren't always so crazy. Not everything causes my mind to become busy and lost in the mist. They show me that an

84. Make a difference Write a masterpiece  Jump the hurdles Let you in Stop my running  Fight to stay Prove people wrong  Write a song Find I'm strong Find my voice Fly a plane  Be rid of pain Be confident Stop this front Stand tall Stop the fall Be something great Be remembered  Be proud Maybe I'll look back and think I won Just, maybe Much love B x 

83. It's strange how I sit here and write whatever my brain creates in the moment of writing to possibly absolutely no one. These posts reach an empty space on the Internet and who knows if people read them each time I press publish or whether people think 'not another one' and turn away from them.  I have zero plans for direction when I write, the words seem to just appear on the screen. It's probably obvious that this is my style of writing isn't it? My thoughts change route as I type. All I know is that something is in my mind and it wants to leave. It doesn't want to stick around. It niggles at me until I type words to release them from the empty space that's my mind. I don't know if people take the words on board, I don't know if people can relate. I get very little feedback. But that doesn't bother me. I don't write for feedback. I write because the words want to be gone.  Writing is my escape from life, it's my pocket o

82. We will spend a lifetime in a state of having no idea. We have no idea what we are going to go through and we have no idea of what anyone else has been through. Everyday is a mystery, nothing we have planned is solid and almost everything we do is unexpected. The things we try to expect may in fact give us the opposite feeling or realisation of what we believed it would give us.  How many times have you wanted to do something because you've thought it would be a good idea only for it turned out terrible? Or you have done something you thought would be terrible and it was the most amazing thing you have ever done?  Much love B xx

81 .  Good evening loves, how are you? I'm okay, I'm just sat watching XFactor, I'm having to stay up late tonight because I'm desperate to watch WWE Hell In A Cell which is at midnight. Are any of my you watching it? Or if you are reading this from the future did you watch it? What did you think?  I want to write something that speaks to people, but I don't want to seem like a really miserable person. The truth is, I'm just really deep sometimes. I like in depth conversation and I like to write what is deep in my soul and sometimes that stuff is a bit intense and boring. I'm sorry.  I enjoy writing poems that some may be able to relate too. I like to be honest with my feelings because I feel that's safe. Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever sit in a daydream and question everything? I do. I question what my life would be like if I chose all the opposite choices to what I chose, not because I feel I have an unhappy life, I don't, I jus

80. Dear Autumn, It's nice to have you here again The coldness of your breath The brightness of your falling leaves So magical in their death Dear Autumn, You weep your tears so publicly For all of us to feel Although we frown at naked trees   We wish for you to heal Dear Autumn, The pink skies that you wake us with May be a shepherds warning I ask you with hasted breath  Please keep them to bring the dawn in Dear Autumn, As we say goodbye to your sister summer With rain and clouds and sometimes thunder  We welcome you with warmth and laughter  With the blankets to fill our families under Dear Autumn, You bring us closer to the end of the year  Our days past with love and fear As we reflect to see how far we've come I'll enjoy you Autumn, you're my favourite one 

79 . I'm lost in the sound of the water. As it flows freely with only one direction for it to follow.  I'm lost in the music that each day creates. The birds singing and the wind rustling the leaves on the trees. It distracts me. A distraction that I beg to have. I need the distraction each moment. My mind is lost sometimes. My mind is lost right now. I'm the opposite of the water. I have no direction to go in. I have nothing to follow, only my daily routine which pushes me when disrupted, it tests me. It's testing right now.  I hate the feeling when your body wants to scream but equally cry at the same time. My body can't decide and I can't direct it.  I wish I was like the water, I wish I knew where to go, I wish my life could decide where it wants to go. Until I decide I shall lose myself further with the water, with the trees. I will appreciate what this world has to offer. I will get myself on track. I don'

78 . Hello my loves, I'm currently eating cheesecake while watching WWE Night of Champions on the WWE Network! I bloody love wrestling! I used to watch it as a little girl at a friends house and have loved it ever since. I don't watch it every time it's on because we don't have sky sports but I do watch it every Sunday morning with Robby :)  Now something has been bothering me, this post may offend some people, and could very easily be seen as me 'having a pop' but I promise you I'm not, what I am about to write is something I think we should all just think about because it's something we all say to others... Please stop asking me about children, please don't say 'you'll be next' or 'are you thinking about children?' Etc etc. The truth is, every time someone asks me about whether me and rob are wanting children or even trying for children, fills me with worry.  I may have said this before I'm not sure but I hav

77 . Hello my loves. Now what you are about to read may seem random, you may think 'why are you writing this now?' But please do continue to read. In my heart I feel like this is something I need to write.  I feel that my heart has almost healed. I feel that grief has turned into understanding and life is moving in the right direction for me now, even though it's the same as always.  So let me begin... I don't cry now my loves, I haven't cried in months and the more I think about it during the time of my Dads passing I probably didn't cry as much as others thought I would. Gosh most of them never saw me cry at all. That isn't because I'm cold or tough, it's because crying to me is a very personal thing. It's something only your own emotions understand so to me crying is something I want to keep to myself. I don't want the fuss of those around, I want to be left to feel what I'm feeling.  Although only a few people clos

76 . I don't want to be consumed by this  The dreaded fear from this deadly kiss I don't want to be consumed by this I wake each morning with hopeful bliss I don't want to be consumed by this  Every moment I'm going to miss  I don't want to be consumed by this Weakened legs and thinning wrists I don't want to be consumed by this To lose those hugs and ability to kiss I don't want to be consumed by this My screaming mind but silent hiss I don't want to be consumed by this With moments for us to reminisce  I don't want to be consumed by this Everyone of you I'm going to miss  No, it's true, I don't want to end up like this But if I do, whatever's next will be simply bliss  I wrote this poem because I fear everyday my life may take a similar path in which my Dads life took. I fear the illness he had and I think I will every single day of my life. For a moment I felt my emotions an

75 . Your life is my saving grace There is nothing better than your tight embrace  My love for you is strong You my love, are my only one  I have nothing to offer you but my heart I hope to you, that's the most important part  Please continue to save me from myself  You stop me from lowering oneself  United together we stand tall You catch me and I catch you when we fall  I thank you greatly for being my happiness  Our future will forever be full of togetherness  ❤️ Much love Beth xxx

74 . Pre warning don't read this if you don't want to read something written by someone wallowing in self pity!!  I have moments,moments of happiness and then boom the moment goes away and what's left is a 25 year old girl who drowns herself in self doubt, insecurity and on the verge of loathing oneself. Today, Tuesday 8th September 2015, I am unfortunately this version of myself!  I watched a video today by the YouTuber Hazel Hayes and at the end of her video she spoke about how while editing her video she watched herself in happy times unaware of what was about to happen in her life (she never mentioned what had happened btw) and I couldn't help think back to February and the months before that and how blissfully unaware I was to one of the most dramatic events that will happen in my lifetime, and how that event was getting closer and closer to happening. And it made me sad!!  We take what we have for granted, everyday we take life for granted! S