Bethlett .

92. Another year is almost over and we're about to start all over again. Are you excited? Are you ready for it? Or is there still apart of you wanting to hold onto the year that's just passed us by?  Looking back what did you set out and achieve? Did all your plans go as planned and work out? Did any milestones happen? There's a lot to think back on isn't there?  What plans do you have for the year that's about to start? Or do you just want to go with the flow this time around? Whatever it is you have planned, enjoy it. Grasp it close in your heart and run with it. Because the year that's about to start can't be redone until the next. Don't go into a fresh year with regrets, don't go into it with fear. Walk through the gates of 2016 with excitement and determination. This new year is going to be YOUR year.  Be strong, be proud, be confident. Believe that the person you are is worthy, you deserve happiness, you deserve all the good thi

91. In our life's we have invincible people. People who have always, in some sort of way, been there. And there is no way that they will never not be there, somewhere.  They are invincible.  They have a bubble of protection around them at all times and nothing will pop it. I don't believe I'm silly in thinking that. We get so used to each other how could anything change? Especially when that's how it's always been.  But then life happens, for some reason it doesn't like to be consistent, it doesn't like to be content. It thrives off the waves it causes to people, I guess to keep us on our toes. Make us appreciate what we have. But it seems that in a lot of cases to make us appreciate what we have, something bad has to happen. Something that smacks us so hard in the face we remain dizzy for a little while.  Why? Why must it do that? Why must it make our invincible people no longer invincible?  I guess people seem invincible because we h

90 . Christmas is a matter of days now. The most magical time of the year. True but this year it's going to be painful for me. And so many others.  Since February this year it's been a year of firsts, each one effecting me differently emotional. In a matter of days it will be the first Christmas. He won't be ringing me up early in the morning to say Merry Christmas, I won't be seeing him on Boxing Day like I always used too. I will only have my memories of him, happy ones and of course bitterly sad ones. It's the first one, it's going to be difficult but each year will get easier. The happy memories will over power the sad by miles, I hope.  I've been feeling very emotional this week, a mixture of things but the biggest is the realisation of him not being here. I thought I was alright but I'm not. I miss him, simple as that I guess. It sounds stupid but it hit me this week that if I'm to live a full life I will live more of it without hi

89. I just want a best friend. Through my life I've had best friends but none of them have lasted. I admit I'm not good at keeping in contact, I'm not good feeling 100% comfortable around others but I'd love to have a best friend.  The idea of having someone there whenever I'm down, and I be there for them. Someone I don't have to sensor my opinions too, I can show my best side and worst side with no judgement.  I just want a best friend. I sometimes think that if I were to ever lose Rob, touch wood I don't! I'd be really lonely. I don't think I'd have anyone but my mum. I want to have a best friend who becomes apart of the family. No awkwardness.  I've ruined all my previous friendships because I push people away. Then I feel guilty and find it hard to be myself with them again. I miss friendship. I miss laughter till I cry, I miss gossiping about nonsense. I just miss having that feeling of having someone else in my lif

88 . I wake up everyday and I fight an irrational fear that lives at the back of my mind. Some days the fight is a tough one, it turns me into a mess. Other days I seem to be calm enough to not let it bother me. But it's always there. I have an irrational phobia to something people wouldn't even think about, but it's more common than you'd think. It makes me cry, it makes me itch, it makes me want to run away. And sometimes, only sometimes it makes me not want to fight it anymore, it makes me think it's about to win.  It's hard to explain what it does to me, how it makes me feel. The only way I can explain it is imagine you are trapped in a room that has no doors, no escape and you are with your greatest fear, whether that be a spider or a clown. Just imagine that. How scary would that be? Now imagine that feeling you would feel, imagine feeling that feeling multiple times a day, every single day of your life. I know it sounds dramatic but that'

87 . You seem like a distant memory now but you only you left yesterday. November you're one of my favourites. Your like holding on to something. There doesn't seem to be pressure with you November.  December seems so final, I don't know if I'm ready for it.  As the days of December descend the mornings become even colder. Maybe snow will fall. Memories of our lost loved ones get stronger and stronger as the day of Christmas edges ever closer, reminding us that our hearts aren't fully pieced together and those parts that are still glued become full of happiness as we see the faces of those still here beam with excitement and joy.  December you're a funny one, so many people can't wait for you to be over but some never want you to leave. You round off the year in an almighty fashion. With a day filled of love and togetherness but not too far away, just around the corner we start a year all over again. With more mystery and anticipat