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So in a couple of hours or whenever you read this I have just entered my 35th week of pregnancy. Oh boy it's getting close now!!
The third trimester has been my worst so far I think. I don't want to complain or moan because I know how truly blessed I am to be in this position however it's been tough!
I had always heard that when you get near the end you are just willing it along, and I always thought 'why?' Well for me I can't handle the stress I'm feeling and the horrendous mood I seem to always be in. I literally can not control it! I'm not a stressed person, I'm not an angry person (apart from when I'm tired) so these feelings are just very hard for me to deal with. I know I'm being a bitch but I can't stop it. I want to be my old chilled out self again!!!
I think what it is, is, I'm nesting, I want a list as long as my arm done and I want it done now! We've had our bathroom redecorated and that was the worst experience for my stress level in my entire life! And now we are recarpetting, however that doesn't seem to be getting me too stressed. I feel like I've retreated away from baby things and put my attention on house stuff. It's weird! Baby girls nursery is not ready yet, it's beautifully painted and her chest of drawers are ready for stuff but that's all right now. I guess that's not a huge rush as she won't be sleeping in there till winter time anyway. But it would be lovely to have it complete before she makes her grand entrance.
I'm finding people's advice very hard to take and process. I hear their words and just think 'oh god, not another thing please' that's bad isn't it? I should love that people want to help but I just feel like everyone's opinion is different, everyone's baby is different. I want to learn how my baby is going to be, and ask for help when I can't take the crying anymore. People's worries about our cats, and what milk she will have and where she will lie during the day etc etc is just overwhelming. I feel like I've got to a level of stress and anxiety where I no longer care what I need or what we have. I just want my baby here to love and to make me smile.
Maybe that's what is wrong, I'm so anxious about it all. Labour, being a mum, money, juggling everything. Will I be any good? Will I know what to do? Will I struggle with depression? Will I feel lonely? These are the things that go through my brain 24/7. I keep trying to tell myself that cave women did it with no help, no advice. So hopefully that maternal instinct will just kick in. Oh gosh I hope so!!
I'm working quite close to my due date as well, I'm due on the 4th June and I finish work on the 19th May, I have made my days half days now though as I'm getting uncomfortable. These baby bumps are heavy haha! Nah baby girl sits quite high so my ribs get a good kicking while I'm sat at my desk, making it quite uncomfortable and very distracting for me. Especially when I get a kick in the rib and a thump down below. But I wouldn't want her to stop moving, I like to feel her wriggle around in there, I love to see my belly move with her, although it creeps Rob out something chronic! It's so funny!!
So I guess this third trimester has been very difficult on me mentally, and as the days go by it's becoming physically difficult. To be honest, I'm just tired, scared and overwhelmed but I can't wait to meet my baby girl.
The next update could be when she's here eeee, you'll find out her name and maybe see a glimpse of her, who knows.
Much love
Beth xx
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