Bethlett .

125 . Well...Millie Rose Howlett arrived! The little miss was born at 16:22 on Wednesday 14th June 2017 weighing a solid 8lbs exact! And my god what a quick arrival she made!! Let's start from the beginning shall we? So on the Monday I woke up at half past 5 in the morning with pains in my thighs, I wondered if they were the beginning of labour but I held off calling the hospital because they were bearable and didn't have any routine to them plus I was seeing the midwife that morning for my second sweep so I really hoped she was going to say that it was starting...she said the opposite! She said nothing was happening, I still had a very long way to go and I'd more than likely be induced as I was 8 days over by this point anyway. After that appointment the pains stopped so I was sat thinking GREAT (in a very sarcastic fed up tone) but then they started again that afternoon stronger than the morning but still bearable. I did get my mum to come to my house because we

124 . I'm scared, maybe even the verge of being terrified. Am I wrong for feeling scared? For feeling completely out of my depth already? For even questioning if we should have done this? I feel guilty that I have that questioning, is it normal?  I'm 40 weeks and 1 day over, baby girl still isn't here, she's not even showing any desire to say hello and I'm already scared, terrified even. You'll read this and maybe judge me, wonder how could I be so naive to think it's all going to be easy. Well I haven't, I know it's going to be hard work, I know our lives are about to change forever but 9 months ago I had time to ignore the enormity of it all. Now we are days away, literally every second of everyday could be the second it all starts. That's daunting!!  I try not to expect I'm going to know what I'm doing when she's here but at the same time I don't want to look or feel useless, a failure. Everyone judges, but I don&#